Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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