While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
