i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize