Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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