I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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