You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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