what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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