I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
