masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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