Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
