I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize