Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
