We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
