Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
