It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize