Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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