he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
