okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
