So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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