Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
