Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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