we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
