Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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