We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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