We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
