Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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