I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
