would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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