You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
