9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
