I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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