No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
