yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
