In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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