I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
