i barfeds in our rink
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
