Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
