The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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