How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
