Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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