That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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