I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
