I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
