4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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