Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
