I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
