If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
