I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
