im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
