i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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