Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
