did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
