He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize