I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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