The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
