Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
