K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
