Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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