Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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