there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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