Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
