The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
