I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
