guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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