just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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