sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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