so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
