Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
