he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
