I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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