Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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