the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
