My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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